


Surprise

by RandomCrytic



Series: (ABANDONED) When you decide to date an alien [6]
Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Developing Friendships, Developing Relationship, Dib fanboys alot, Dib gets mad, Dib is a creep, Dib is a teenager, Enemies to Friends, Zim blushes, Zim finds out the tallest lied to him and goes to Dib for help
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2020-05-07 15:09:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19211986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RandomCrytic/pseuds/RandomCrytic
Summary: Dib's spying goes wrong.Zim is so done with Dib's shit.





	Surprise

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place a day after 'Honestly, what even are emotions?'
> 
> This is before they started dating and before they even established that they are friends. It's obvious to them both that they have feelings for each other though, they just don't want to admit it.

"Boo"

Dib yelps and almost falls off the tree. He turns a flushed face from his spy-kit binoculars to the alien, fast enough to make his neck crack painfully. He was supposed to spy on the, now sitting inches away from him, alien. Despite the 'E.T' looking relaxed, that tiny body resting on the thick branch Dib chose as his hiding place, Dib knows that the Irken is just waiting, sly and calm, like a cat watching a mouse approaching out of curiosity. And just like a cat, he looks cute and harmless but will pounce and scratch the living crap out of you if given the reason to, sometimes even just out of boredom, in seconds.

Dib can't say he isn't a bit scared about this surprising turn of events. "H-how did you...?"

"Saw you trough the window" Zim kept observing him, looking bored. Zim does sadistic things when he's bored.

Despite the rising panic in Dib's chest, he is more embarrassed than scared about being caught spying on the other. He is sure his face is burning red like a tomato already. His raging hormones pushed him to defend his reasoning but in reality, yes- he's just a creep. A creep currently in possible danger. "Well, It's rude to jump at someone bird watching"

"Bird watching." Zim dead-panned.

"Yes, bird watching"

"Does Zim look like a bird to you?"

Dib isn't sure if he can feel any more shameful.

Years ago, when Zim first came to Earth, all the way back when he was 10, he wouldn't be embarrassed to get caught at all. Actually, thinking about it more thoroughly, he wouldn't be scared of the alien either.  
However, being a teen in his sweet 16 and rembering all the horrible, albeit impressive things Zim could do to his enemies, he feels pretty confident in saying that being so obsessed with a murdering, unpredictable alien and watching him 24/7 is bordering on insanity.

But honestly, who could blame him? He's a goddamn sentient alien.  
Zim should be honored that he's fascinating enough for Dib to skip highskool and child labor at home just to spy on him.

While he's essentially just sitting there, on an overgrown tree conveniently placed beside Zim's base-house thing and spacing out, he notices that Zim didn't bother snapping him out of his thoughts for once.

Actually, Zim looks just as lost in his own head. He is still completely passive and looking at him with a mix of boring and curious. In the past, with that deadly mix of emotions, the Irken would already try to implant bugs in his eyes or steal his organs just to see what would happen. This Zim is just...sitting there, looking as alien with his disguise on as he does without it.

Zim really did change a lot and Dib remains clueless as to why.

"...what are you up to?" Dib finally broke the silence, seeing as the alien wasn't planning on doing anything dangerous yet.

Zim predictably shrugged, feigning innocence. "Zim is not up to anything"

"Huh. Ok, I'll bite" Dib, disbelieving, decided to test his luck. He turned his whole body carefully slow towards Zim as if the alien would bolt from a single wrong move. He spreads his legs (what would usually be a 'get your dick stabbed' move), letting both extremities dangle off the branch. Zim didn't even flinch as he usually would whenever Dib got too close for comfort. Dib moved even closer- that got a low, instinctual hiss out of the Irken so he stopped.

"So, uh...is this your special new way of telling me an evil 'take over Earth and enslave humanity' plan?" Dib tried, very confused by the alien's behavior.

"Nope" Zim unnecessarily popped the 'p' and let his usually perfect posture hunch. He crossed his legs in a full lotus and put his elbows on each limb, propping his head up with both hands. The Irken took great care to maintain direct eye contact with half-closed eyes and a completely relaxed posture. The unnatural contacts stared holes into Dib's face. An another thing that humans cannot do- match the alien's intensity of a stare.

Dib doubted the situation at the beginning of this, but now he's certain that Zim is planning something. Something big.  
He would sooner kill a man than let up his soldier's grace.  
"...is this your great try at manipulation? 'Cause it's not working"

Zim hummed thoughtfully and shook his head twice then went back to not moving. "No, no manipulation of your gargatuant head happening here"

"It's not that big" Came the automatic reply. "Why are you still here, then?"

"Why are you still watching Zim? hmmmmmm?"

Oof. Even Zim sees trough his bullshit.

"Gosh, I don't know" Dib threw his hand around to show his frustration of Zim suddenly deciding to be observant _and_ a pushy asshole. "Because you create fucked, extremely complicated plans to destroy my home planet?"

"Zim is not doing that anymore"

Honestly, the nerve on this guy. He loves him."Yes you are! You are just keeping it secret. Don't think you've outsmarted me yet!" He decided to be playful, maybe Zim would snap out of this...whatever this is, and join him.

"Dib, stop being a smeet-baby. I don't have a secret dooms day plan in my closet nor am I interested in taking over Earth anymore. Drop it already."

Dib paused, confused and mildly disturbed by the lack of playful banter they usually exchange. Zim just looks tired, done with everything.

"I give up" Zim concluded.

"..."

"You win. So just...stop bothering me, alright?" Zim offered and Dib is sure he looks really dumb right now, because he can just stare.

They stared at eachother for what felt like hours but was realistically about 15 minutes. No one said a word. It was obvious Zim is dead-serious.

"...Did something happen?" Dib kept prodding the wound with a stick covered in salt, apparently reckless now that he isn't scared for his life.

"You did Dib. You happened"

The human's brows furrowed. He knows that he sometimes outsmarts the alien simply because the solution to Zim's complicated inventions are actually quite simple, but he didn't expect Zim to just... _give up_. Ever.

Zim smirked. "Congrats, worm. How does it feel to finally best Zim?"

The feeling would be great if it was well deserved. Right now, Dib grew more and more concerned. Concerned for his own safety or concerned for Zim, he doesn't know. "So, what? You're just...giving up? After 6 years of all the bullshit we went trough, _this_ is the big end to our fight?"

Zim shrugged his shoulders again, turning his head away.  
"Zim lost. You won. You can do whatever you want want, Dib-beast. Nothing concerns me anymore"

Whatever he wants? "...I really won?"

"Yes. I surrender, you get the cake, you completed the mission. What is Zim supposed to say to make you get it, Earth-monkey?" Zim snapped, finally showing a bit of life, but it was quickly replaced by that lame passive-aggressive snark. "You. Won."

"Does that mean I can do anything? To you?" He prodded again, trying to see if Zim will react at all. To see if this is Zim's way to test the boundaries or if the invader is truly giving up on his mission.

"Depends"

"I won right? So...you are like my...war slave now?"

". . ." Zim huffed. "I don't care. Torture me if you like. Been there, done that."

"Wow"

"What?"

"Are you hitting puberty?"

Zim's eyes squinted at Dib as if he's trying to look past the whole of Dib's idiocy and see Dib's reasoning. He isn't sure if the teen pulled that out of his ass or if that's a genuine question.  
He apparently decided that Dib really _is_ genuinely curious, but didn't completely discard the possibility that the human is just an idiot or an extremely talented manipulator. Because he said, "I am about as old as your choice in music. Pretty sure Zim is well past that point in your pathetic human lifespan"

Dib clicked his tongue in disappointment. "Damn"  
He placed his arms behind his back to prop himself up on the uncomfortable wood, chosing to lean back for this. Now he has an excellent view on the slouched alien. "And here I thought you're going to confess your love for me, your forbidden crush, on our love tree and we're gonna make out like real horny teens. Probably get concussed and die in eachother's arms by an apple on the head. All Shakespearean tragedy style."

Zim visibly recoiled at the mental image and hanged his tongue out with a disgusted 'blegh'. "You are so disgusting sometimes"

"I mean, for a species that shits out what they don't need, I think that I'm a saint"

Zim gives him a look. He never did like his 'filthy' language. Dib chuckles and lets his head loll back. He looks up at the leaves rustling, getting caressed by the wind. Even the lightest touches of the breeze are enough to make some of the leaves fall to the dirt. Apparently Dib gets all poetic when he's hurt.

"So this is how it feels to win huh?"

Zim didn't say anything, so Dib elaborated.

"It feels...melancholy" Dib admitted. "Not like you usually make me feel at all. No spice, no snark...no burn and claw marks"

Zim snorts. "Yes. Zim guesses this is less fun"

"Then why are you giving up?"

"...I don't have a reason to continue"

"What about the mission?"

"There _is_  no mission"

Dib looks up at that. "How do you mean?"

"My tallest lied" Zim said, monotone. "There never was a mission and there never _will_ be one either"

The once comfortable silence between them now felt too tense. Suffocating even.  
Because to Dib in that moment, for the first time in the entire 6 years Dib knew the alien, Zim looks sad.

It made Dib's chest involuntarily tighten.

"I had no idea Zim, that's horrible" Dib put some emotion into his voice, which somehow triggered Zim, because now he was yelling.

"No! Zim deserves their not-loving! I did many bad things to the tallest. I failed as a soldier, failed as their servant. It is only fair to make me live with the consequences" He snarled, leaning his back against the tree.  
"Zim will die with honor"

"What honor? They obviously just ditched you on a planet they don't need to keep you off their perfect paradise for when you start starving yourself or something"

"They ditched me because Zim wasn't worthy-"

"Of what? The last time I checked, you told me stories of great invaders being ditched just because they were short"

"Yes. That is expected"

"Zim. You are one of the shortest Invaders there is" Dib reminded him and as expected, Zim looks offended. He almost killed Dib when he found out the human was digging trough his computer and the dumb machine told him about his bellow-average height even by Irken standards.

"That's---" Zim paused, looking away. He couldn't deny that even if he tried.

"See? You did nothing wrong, Zim" Dib reasoned, feeling angry at the tallest for even making Zim think that he did anything wrong in the first place.

The Irken straightened once more, soldier like. "If the tallest think that my shortness is making them look weak, then Zim is at fault and they have every right to do something about it"  
It's as if he's reciting from a book. Like he doesn't believe it but he forced himself to believe it anyway.

"...do you _want_  to give up? Just- stop existing like this. Without having accomplished anything in life?"

"It doesn't matter what _I_  want-"

"Then what's the point? Living a life where you live to serve and die because you failed isn't a life Zim. It's slavery"

"You don't know what I did. You don't know how much Zim deserves this"

"No matter what you did Zim, even if you murdered someone or just stole some lunch money from a couple of highschool bullies, the tallest literally murdered millions for things they can't even control. They don't get to judge you"

Zim went silent. When a few minutes passed and Zim didn't speak up, Dib tried to get closer. This time, Zim didn't hiss- he looks like he didn't notice Dib at all. "Zim?"

No response. Did he break him with logic?

"Bug boy?" Still nothing. Zim looks dazed, as if his mind is somewhere else. He is probably just shocked- he red somewhere that brainwashing victims sometimes deny logic altogether.

"Oh well, here goes nothing" He went so close to Zim that the teen could feel the alien's shallow breath hitting his face. Now that he is free to take a closer look, he took a moment to be a creep and observe the Irken's face in detail. He, for the first time, noticed that Zim does have a singular nose hole. It's only visible by the slightest lump it creates in the middle of his cute face. Zim also has slightly brighter colored freckles that Dib hadn't notice before. Who would've thought that sentient alien reptile-bugs could have freckles? It looks adorable on his handsome face.

Wait- what was he doing again?  
Oh right, waking Zim the fuck up.  
With his mission renewed, he raised a hand and poked Zim's cheek with it.

_No response_

He poked again, still nothing. He poked the _third_  time and when Zim _still_  didn't react or show any intentions of 'waking up',he stopped.

"Well...if you're not waking up..." He gently placed a hand on Zim's cheek and let the palm linger against alien skin. It felt incredibly soft, like silk, and he adores the stunning green color. Everything about Zim is perfect. If Dib didn't outright know for a fact that Zim is an outcast of his race, he'd say Zim looks like an alien prince straight out of a teen fantasy novel. It almost made him take advantage of the unresponsive form, but he would never do that to Zim. Violence he can do, but he never understood the whole non-consensual thing. That'd be too much, it hurts a person far more than a simple fist in the face. It's the type of action that changes a person's entire life. It's downright inhumane, even for a somewhat empathy-lacking, soon-to-be scientist like him.

Zim's antennae twitched, catching the human's attention and snapping his mind out of the gutter, for a literal millisecond. Now Dib reached out to touch one of Zim's feelers, the part of Zim's body he is most curious about. The second he placed a single digit and barely grazed the sensitive rod, Zim jolted out of his unresponsive state and let out a high-pitched screech Dib's ears didn't like at all. Thankfully, it was short lived, because he instantly let go of the fascinating antennae despite still wanting to feel it more thoroughly some time in the future. When Zim stops being this uptight.

"Oh good, you're awake. I thought I was the only one to be prone to spacing out---" He got punched in the face. Dib yelped and almost fell off the tree, but thankfully got caught (albeit roughly and with a lot of intentional pain) by a clawed hand. Even if Zim's sharp digits were covered, the sharpest tips still dug painfully into the human's soft and squishy skin on his forearm. He felt the familiar scent of copper trickle down his lips from his nose.

" _Hey_ \- fuck- stop that!" Dib tried to balance himself and he succeeded to do so with Zim's minimal help. The problem is, Zim still didn't let go.

"Uh...you can let go now-" Zim dug his claws deeper, piercing skin. It sent his nerves aflame and started an onslaught of a needle-like burning sensation across his whole arm.  
The fact that Dib is hyper-aware that Zim is the person hurting him probably helped it get this intense.

The alien carefully watched the human writhe and gasp in his grasp, obviously taking a form of sadistic satisfaction from it. "If you ever touch me again. Zim will break your noodle arms and feed them to your sister" Dib's arms were freed.

"J-jeez-" Dib rubbed his bleeding arm to calm the jitters down. "I just wanted to wake you up. No need to throw threats." Dib paused, then added. "Gaz would probably kick your ass, too"

Zim narrowed his eyes, but didn't deny it.

Dib waited to see if Zim is still pissed then when the alien just kept watching the human's bleeding come to an end, Dib sighed. "You know what...? I don't really feel like winning this dumb fight" Dib raised his good arm for a hand shake. "How about a truce instead? We can be loser friends"

Zim flinched away from Dib's hand and growled out. "Don't get full of yourself. Zim still doesn't like you and your stupid, wet planet"

Dib didn't look impressed. "You are telling me, that drawing dicks on your enemies face instead of killing them in their sleep isn't friendship?"

Zim bristled then faced away. "Zim has no idea what you are talking about"

"Come on~ you totally chickened out~" Dib teased with a knowing grin. Zim blushed. "Oh my--- are you blushing?!"

"LIES! THE SUN IS GIVING ZIM THE ALLERGIES- GO AWAY!"

Dib basically shook from happiness. "You're so fucking adorable-"

Zim jumped off the tree and landed perfectly on the ground, stomping into his house while speaking incoherent words to himself.

Dib spotted a smile on the Irken's face right before he disappeared into his base.

Dib thinks that's pretty gay.

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize if Dib's reaction to Zim hurting him isn't extreme enough. It's mostly because Dib experienced excruciating pain while fighting Zim the last few years, A LOT. So much so that Zim's claws look like children's toys to him by now.


End file.
